As you may guess, being high on twice the meds didn’t leave her employed long. Finally, after 17 years of addiction she agreed to go into detox/rehab a few months ago.
Much better than any therapist I ever saw and over the years there were many. I learned a new way of life and can now truly say that I am at peace with myself and the world. And my 35 year marriage is still intact. If I am the one with the abuse issues then this is a time that I need people standing by me and not taking the time to walk away from me. Researchers have long reported that financial problems are the top area of conflict for most couples, and that communication is the second most-cited reason for marital discord.
A Letter to My 10-Year-Old Self from a Person in Recovery
I just saw your words about being around for an email. I’m sorry for the strange message. I understand what your going through. I just realized tonight my husband is a narcissist. We go to counseling, but I’m still blamed for everything.
- I read your poem the Glass, so true and well stated.
- My last happy memory with her was two years ago, shopping for my wedding dress.
- Beautiful things happen though, once those people get help and turn things around.
- She has depleted 90k dollars in about 3 months which was money from the accident.
- She knew who I was, but thought I was still in high school.
I have most definitely dealt with ambiguous grief. It started when my daughter met her now husband. She told me he was a Paramedic and his mother a nurse. Had I known the heartache ahead, I would have taken her out of goodbye letter to alcohol the country for a few years. Slowly but surely they completely poisoned her mind against us. Everything we said or did was wrong. His mother was a Psych nurse and knew exactly what buttons to press with my daughter.
Common Traits of People Who Blame
I have only one thought left, drop dead. Thanks for the words of support, Ellen. I don’t want to let this ruin my marriage.
I want out but I don’t want out if it is something I can fix bc it is my fault. At the same time, I want out bc who I am is almost non existant now. I feel more like he use to be and I see myself in him in some ways. He has mirrored the way I had done things in order to be more positive himself it seems. This is bothering me so much bc I feel like the wrong/bad person while he does not seem to have anything outwardly wrong with him yet something is so very wrong. Thank you for sharing your stories above!
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I think that thought often…hating myself for even considering it. Death would free my family from this hellish existence that HER choices…and I said CHOICES…not “disease” has caused. Crushing pills and snorting them or smoking crack is a choice. I’ll argue that till I draw MY last breath. Our family friend is beginning to think he is a sociopath because he is such a user and he doesn’t care about the pain and hurt that he leaves in his wake. He called me again tonight pleading and threatening to be let back home so he doesn’t have to live in the ‘trailer park” in what he considers to be a town he is too good to live in. This from someone who doesn’t work and really never did.
- He came to our house once, and afterward my father asked, as he asked about everyone, “Is he a Christian?
- I have three other children and I can’t stay in this sick circle he has had me in for so many years now.
- I have gone through every penny I have.
- But I have d cider to put him on a bus back to our hometown in Virginia in 9 days for my sanity.
- She is still using, and has a circle of users whom she considers “great friends”.
Frankly, there aren’t any good support groups for families. Those that do exist tend to follow the AA/NA model but have the same problems as AA/NA – a misguided model and focus. The best we have come up with is to remember to detatch from a situation you didn’t create, can’t fix and can’t control. Set clear limits with your son and set clear deadlines for eliminating support and keep them (i.e., don’t set conditions you won’t stick to).
Psychological treatments for grief
We live in the same town but hardly ever see each other. I can barely stand to be with her, and it seems to get worse with time. I sometimes think something is wrong with me, that I need to be more caring, more compassionate, more loving. It’s gone on for so long I don’t know which way is up. My youngest son, who I’ve always been especially close with, did the same to me last spring — two months after I was in the hospital with a heart attack. He wrote me a nasty email, accusing me of all sorts of things I never did, gaslighting him, having furious temper tantrums, making his childhood a nightmare, etc. etc. He said he was “done with me for at least a year, maybe forever” and not to contact him in any way.
That leaves people like you and your husband in dire straights. Reading your email, I have no doubt that your boys have serious mental illnesses. I have 2 male cousins with schizophenia and if you take the drugs/alcohol out of your description, https://ecosoberhouse.com/ it is them, completely. Their families are stressed and exhausted and scared. Please I really need help, My 40 yr old son is an alcholic. We tried to get him into rehab last year, he refused and stopped drinking for maybe 2 mos.